The way I see it, the longer you let things go without making an effort to point the relationship in a specific direction, the easier it is for casual behavior to reign. It’s one thing to have an “exclusivity talk,” but quite another to demonstrate exclusivity in the relationship. I guess it would be nice to know if they were doing things differently after that discussion. Like spending time meeting each other friends and family. Taking trips together. Any kind of future planning. Did the relationship actually change, besides spending more time together? Or were they basically acting the same in the relationship as before, but now with a new label put on it?
My view would be the same with the situation reversed as well, and he was the one writing this letter. People seem all too willing to defend lack of clear communication when other, more negative factors like cheating are involved. But not being clear or at least trying to is part of the problem. Even if someone is otherwise innocent.
I’ve certainly been guilty of not saying what I think or feel about something within relationships and even when crappy things have come my way from a partner, I still had to own up to not speaking up and trying to say something about where I was at, or what I thought should happen, or not happen.
Yes I lived in Boston for seven years. I had recently come from the Caribbean, and I had an accent then. Of course most white girls were scared to date me. Quite a few white girls were intrigued but just too worried about what their family or friends would think. There were even a few African American girls who would not date me because I had an accent. I was however quite content with my dating life for the most part, because I simply gravitated to girls who liked me, and ignored the ones who were unattracted to me.